


Red Flags And Birthdays

by idk_man_I_just_work_here



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast), The Adventure Zone: Balance - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angus-centric, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I almost cried writing this so I better take at least one of you down with me, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kravitz (a little bit), Lucretia has Big Mom Energy, Magnus has Big Dad Energy, Merle Highchurch (a little bit), Minor Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone), Suicidal Ideation, Taako (a little bit), and so do Magnus and Lucretia :), bc i wanted angus to be older but everyone still in one place, but at least this one has a happy ending!, everything i write is angst. no one is ever happy why am i like this, from Magnus's perspective btw, i cannot believe i forgot to tag this with RELATIONSHIPS, i'm really proud of this, kinda before the other stuff, oh i forgot to add this but this is like. and alternate post-story and song ending, takes place a few years after the finale so he's. a baby teen (13/14 to be precise), they're there now but how STUPID IS THAT?, this tag and those following are being edited in as of DECEMBER 2019, this took me like ten days to write, you guys. you GUYS. I love Angus so much.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-01 00:48:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18325325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idk_man_I_just_work_here/pseuds/idk_man_I_just_work_here
Summary: Magnus notices something different about Angus... something concerning. He's keeping a secret, and Magnus wants desperately to help, but you can't exactly force someone to open up.





	1. Something Is Off

Magnus takes a deep breath. It’s been a pretty good day. He’s enjoying a meal with Taako and Merle in the lounge. It’s just another typical evening on the moon base. He’d done some training with Carey earlier, Lucretia told him briefly about a lead she’d been looking into... granted, many things are different. The Bureau of Benevolence has certainly made changes over the last few years. Really, the only thing atypical about today is that Angus is late. He’s never late to anything. The four of them agreed to eat a meal together at least once a week. Magnus figures he’ll show up soon and prepares a plate for him.

A few minutes later, he’s just about to ask Taako if he knows where Angus is when the boy bursts into the room with his arms full of books and a bag over his shoulder. A few papers flutter behind him. The moment he enters, he starts apologizing profusely. He’s out of breath and doesn’t pause once to catch it.

“I’m so sorry, sirs, my tutoring session ran late and– and I just didn’t have enough time to– I didn’t realize–”

“Whoa, whoa, little man, it’s okay!” Taako cuts in. “This isn’t a class. You can be…” he holds up his wrist to check a nonexistent watch, “who-cares minutes late without explaining yourself.”

Angus stops talking and Magnus sees the tension in his shoulders relax a little– a little too much. As he slouches down into the chair next to him, he notices how unkempt he looks. His bow tie is lopsided like it was tied quickly. His glasses are crooked. Only one of his sleeves is rolled up. He seems to realize this when Magnus does and rolls the other one down.

“You have a tutor?” Merle gripes. He waves his fork in Angus's direction. “Aren’t you supposed to be some kinda kid genius?”

Avoiding eye contact, he softly responds with, “Oh, no, sir. I _am_ the tutor.”

“Of course you are,” Merle grumbles.

He's always pretending not to like Angus. Everyone knows deep down he really cares about him, but the way Angus seems to shrink leaves Magnus wondering if _everyone_ knows.

“Well, sir, I _am_ turning fourteen in a week... I don’t think it’s particularly exceptional that I became a tutor.”

“Aww, our little nerd is turning into a _big_ nerd,” Taako teases.

Angus is getting visibly uncomfortable, though Magnus can’t really imagine why. These two are always ragging on him. Why is today any different?

“C’mon, guys, give him a break.” He shoots the other two a glare. Merle retorts with a look of confused indignance.

Unfortunately, Taako was too busy lining up a pickle on the table to see the daggers Magnus was staring at him. He flicks the slice at the still shrinking boy, and it gently thwaps against the center of his chest.

Angus’s eyes well up, but he puts his head down before anyone can see the look on his face. The table goes quiet for a few seconds, the other two finally catching on that something is off. Merle and Taako share a glance.

After a moment, Angus lifts his head, seemingly having regained his composure. “Pardon me, sirs, I need to clean up before this stains.”

Taako protests, “Ango, I’m sure we have a spell for—”

Angus cuts him off with a wave of his hand. “It’s fine, sir, I can clean it.”

Taako looks taken aback. Magnus realizes he has never once interrupted him like that before. The three sit awkwardly as Angus swiftly and silently heads in the direction of the restrooms. Magnus waits until he’s out of earshot before kicking Taako’s shin under the table, who suddenly jerks back in his chair.

“Ow!! What the _hell,_ Magnus?”

“Take a hint, dipshit!”

He stands and jogs in Angus’s direction.

Taako rubs his shin.

“What the hell was that all about?” Merle asks.

Taako only replies with a shrug.

* * *

 Magnus gently pushes the door open. There’s only one stall closed, and he can hear some soft sniffling. He takes a step in, and the sound echoes throughout the room. Angus’s legs suddenly shift under the stall door, and Magnus hears him go silent.

“Angus, buddy… are you okay?”

“Yes, sir.” He sounds nasally. 

“Angus…” 

Magnus walks farther in and stares at Angus’s little shoes. He guesses they’re not so little anymore, but compared to him Angus will probably always seem small. He notices something as he’s staring, though… there’s a drop of blood on the floor.

He urgently asks, “Are you hurt? Can I see?” and shakes the handle– locked.

“No, I…” Angus notices the droplet on the floor and silently curses himself. After a second, the lock scrapes and he swings open the door. He’s holding a bloody wad of toilet paper to his nose. “I get nosebleeds sometimes…”

Magnus sighs with relief. “Oh. Oh, I’m sure Merle has a cantrip for that,” he offers despite the fact that he knows Angus doesn’t like to be healed.

Angus fidgets with the hem of his shirt. “It’s alright, sir, I think it’s almost over.”

Magnus eyes him over with concern. For some reason, Magnus notices how skinny he is for the first time. He looks frail… and tired.

“Are you really okay, Ango? You seem kinda off today, little guy.”

Angus flicks his eyes up to meet Magnus’s, and for a split second his expression changes to… fear? Relief? Magnus can’t decipher it before Angus assures him that he’s fine.

Magnus nods. He’s not getting anything out of him right now. “Okay… If you ever want to talk, I’m here for you.” He gives Angus a small but concerned smile.

He gives Magnus a dry smile in return. “I promise you, sir, I’m fine. Really!”

Magnus is still not convinced. He lets out a breath. “Okay, bud. I’ll save your plate for when you’re ready to come back out.” He sees that same look in Angus’s eyes as he shuts the stall door and reluctantly leaves.

As soon as the door clicks shut, Angus finally lets out the breath he was holding. The bloody wad of toilet paper disappears with a silent poof as he leans his full weight against the closed stall door. He’s so relieved. He wouldn’t have been able to keep up that illusion much longer. He takes a moment to breathe, absentmindedly rubbing his arm. After he’s calmed down, he wipes up the single drop of real blood on the floor before cleaning his shirt and joining the others again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments make my week <3


	2. The Perfect Gift

Ever since last week, Magnus has been keeping a much closer eye on Angus. Magnus “The-Details-Don’t-Matter” Burnsides is recognizing the importance of minutiae. He notices little things about him he’d never paid close enough attention to before: his shirts are wrinkled, his perfectly tailored clothes are a bit baggier, the circles under his eyes darken a little every day. Then, he sees things about him he’d never bothered to see before: how Angus goes quiet when someone talks a little too loudly, how he flinches when someone moves too quickly, how he apologizes too frequently. Angus has such a confident aura about him, but in reality… Magnus can tell that the world’s greatest detective is the one in the disguise. He can’t tell if Angus is trying to trick everyone else, or himself.

* * *

Today is Angus’s birthday. Almost four years of working with this little guy. He was already smarter than Magnus when they met, he can’t imagine how much smarter he is now. He swore up and down he didn’t want anything, so obviously everyone got him something. The only people on the base that know it’s Angus’s birthday are the THB and Lucretia, and Magnus is the last of the four to stop by his room. As he gets closer, the pep starts to fall out of his step.

“Well, happy birthday, Pumpkin,” Taako sighs, mostly to himself. He looks a little defeated as he stoops down to place a small plate next to the door.

Magnus slowly approaches. “He won’t answer?”

Taako shakes his head. “Nah. I think he’s asleep or in the shower or something.”

“Maybe I can talk to him.”

“I don’t know, Mags,” he gestures to the ground. There are three gifts there now: Taako’s plate of pink macaroons and a folded card that says ‘Congrats, Grad!’ (he must have finished his magic lessons), the latest Caleb Cleveland novel with a ribbon tied neatly around it– it reads, ‘With love, Lucretia,’ and a wand with a tiny bow plastered to it with way, way too much tape.

Magnus clutches his small gift tightly in one hand. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Taako shrugs. “Good luck, my man.” And with that, he walks off.

Magnus knocks. “Angus. I know you’re in there.”

Silence.

“I’m gonna talk, and you don’t have to say anything. I’ve noticed a lot of… details the last few days, and… I just wanna say I’m sorry. I wish I’d paid closer attention sooner.”

The light filtering through the tiny crack beneath the door flickers– Angus must have moved closer.

“I know you said you didn’t want anything, but come on. If I said I didn’t want a gift on my birthday, you’d still get me one. I got us some stones of farspeech. I know you already have one, but… I had these ones enchanted. They can only contact each other, and no one can tap into the signal to eavesdrop.” Magnus smiles solemnly. “You know how Taako is always doing that to prank people… I think I can slide it under the door.”

He just barely manages to fit the flat stone through.

“You can call me _whenever_ to talk about _anything._ Okay, bud?”

Angus still stays quiet.

“I’ll give you some space, now. I love ya, Ango. Happy birthday.”

He turns on his heel, but he only gets about ten feet from the door before his new stone lights up.

“I love you too, Maggie.”

* * *

 

Things continue the way they’ve been going for a while. Angus has called Magnus a few times over the course of several weeks. He hasn’t been able to get too much out of him other than ‘I guess I am pretty tired’ and ‘I get overwhelmed sometimes.’ Magnus knows there’s more to it. He doesn’t know what, and it’s killing him to not be able to fix the problem immediately. He knows he can’t push him or he’ll stop talking altogether. He needs to be patient and attentive– two skills that aren’t his strong suit.

The biggest breakthrough he had was the fourth or fifth time they talked.

There were two unusual things about this call. One: it was pretty late at night, maybe midnight, and two: Angus was crying a little. Magnus knows that Angus isn’t actually happy when he calls, but he still lets him pretend. The fact that he’s not bothering with the act this late at night is… concerning.

He does his best to keep his tone calm. “What’s up, bear cub?”

“I…” he takes a ragged breath. “I don’t know.”

“That’s okay. Do you wanna talk about it, or do you want a distraction?”

“The latter, please, sir.”

“Okay, uh, what did you learn at school today?” He knows most kids dread that question, but Angus jumps at any opportunity to talk about school.

He takes another shaky breath. “I… nothing. I didn’t go to school today.”

Magnus sits up in bed. Angus has missed maybe two days of school in the last four years he’s known him. “What do you mean? Are you sick?”

“Um… not exactly.”

“Does that have something to do with why you called?”

Angus eyes the bandage on his arm. “... yeah.”

“Okay, then we can talk about something else.”

Magnus changes the subject, determined not to let Angus hang up before he can make him laugh at least once. It doesn’t take long. He’s such a giggly kid, but his laugh is different this time. He stops himself half way through and inhales sharply like he’s in pain. He’d accidentally bumped his arm.

Magnus can’t see that, though. He also can’t see Angus fidgeting with the small yet incredibly ornate knife in his hands.

“Are you hurt?”

“Um… it’s not too bad. I’m clumsy and learning magic… not a great combination.”

Magnus has asked that question every time Angus has called, and it leaves him unsettled every time he answers, because he always has an excuse that Magnus doesn’t believe.

He sighs. “Why don’t you let anyone heal you?”

“Oh… I don’t want anyone to waste spell slots on something that’ll fix itself.”

Again, Magnus doesn’t know why he has a hard time believing him. Instead of pressing him further– he knows it won’t get him anywhere– he asks a different question, one he’s had for almost four years now.

“Hey, Angus?”

He sniffles. “Yeah?”

“Where are your parents?”

Angus tenses up. He’d so carefully avoided this topic at every turn.

Sensing that he’d hit a nerve, Magnus tries to take it back. “You don’t have to answer that, buddy, I’m sorry I asked.”

After a long pause, Angus whispers, “That’s okay, sir.” His breath catches with every inhale and exhale. He has to take a moment to breathe before he can continue. “I haven’t seen them in a long time… My grandfather took care of me.” His voice becomes strained. “They didn’t… they weren’t…”  

“I understand, Angus. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pressure you.”

They sit in silence for a moment. Magnus regrets bringing that up.

“Sir? I…” Angus stops himself. He presses on before he loses the courage. “Do you ever wish that when you fall asleep… you won’t wake up?”

Magnus suddenly reels out of bed. He paces and runs a hand through his hair. He is completely unprepared to answer this question.

After a few seconds of stunned silence, Angus apologizes. “I’m sorry sir I shouldn’t have said anything I knew I was crazy I’ll–”

“No no no!” Magnus is quick to interrupt. “I just… wanted to choose my words carefully.” He stops pacing and takes another moment before he gives a proper response. “Not… exactly, but after Julia died, it didn’t feel like I had anything left. I got reckless. I didn’t necessarily _want_ to… die,” he has a hard time forcing that word out. “It was like I didn’t... _care_ if I did.” He takes a deep breath and sits back down on the edge of his bed. “Is that kinda like how you feel?”

Angus doesn’t respond for a few seconds. When he does, he speaks so softly Magnus can barely hear him.

“... it scares me sometimes.”

“I know. I know. Those thoughts… they’re hard to get rid of. When I started working here, I still felt that way, but after some time… I met some amazing people– I got to know _you–_ and I realized that I couldn’t be reckless anymore.” Magnus suddenly realizes he’s never said any of this out loud before. He no longer wanted to go out in a blaze of glory, but now… he doesn’t know what he wants. He shakes himself out of it and continues. “I still get those thoughts sometimes, but now I have things on this plane to hold on to, and I can remind myself why I’m still here. So… I guess it’s less about getting rid of them and more about learning how to remind yourself they’ll leave on their own.”

They sit in comfortable silence for a long time before either of them speak. Angus is the first to break it.

“Thank you.”

“It’s no problem.”

“… I oughta get some sleep, sir.”

“Okay…” Magnus is hesitant to let him go, but… he can’t overreact or he’ll scare him off. “Are you gonna be okay tonight?”

Angus fidgets with the edge of his bandage. “...probably.”

“‘Probably’ isn't a good answer, kid.”

Angus takes a deep breath. “Yes. Yes, I’ll be okay tonight.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“If you need me, you can just wake me up, okay?”

“I will… goodnight, sir.”

“Goodnight.”

Magnus waits until the stone dims before snatching the other one from his nightstand.

He managed to stay calm while talking to Angus. Now he has time to properly panic. He’s hit with another wave of frustration that he can’t fix this instantly.

The larger stone lights up. “Kravitz, I need to talk to you. It’s important.”

He knows Kravitz doesn’t need to sleep, so calling this late won’t bother him. It takes him a few seconds, but he eventually answers in his baritone hum. “What do you need?”

“You’ve got death-vision, right?”

“Well, it doesn’t… exactly work like tha–”

“I need you to keep an eye out for Angus on the ethereal plane. Can you do that?”

Kravitz sounds puzzled. “Yes, but…”

“... but what?”

He pauses, trying to debate whether he should continue his thought. “Would you mind telling me why? You’re the second person to request this of me.”

“Who…” That means Angus has talked with someone else. Maybe he can learn a little more from them.

“She told me to keep it quiet, but I believe this is an extenuating circumstance– the Director.”


	3. False Alarm

_ Tap tap. _

“Lucretia?” Magnus’s large form leans through the partially open door into the Director’s office. 

She looks up from the paper in her hand. “Oh, hello Magnus.” She smiles warmly and gestures for him to come in. “What do you need?” 

Magnus lumbers in and pulls one of the chairs close to her desk. As he gets closer, she notices his brows are furrowed, and the smile falls from her face. 

“What’s wrong?” 

His lips part, but for a moment no sound comes out. His stern expression relaxes into something more inquisitive. “I talked to Kravitz last night. I asked him to keep an eye on Angus… but he told me he already was.” 

Lucretia closes her eyes and exhales. She looks back to Magnus and asks, “How much do you know?” 

“About Angus? I haven’t been able to get much out of him, but I know he’s hiding something. Kravitz? That you told him to tell you if Angus enters the ethereal plane.” 

She nods and looks to the ground in thought. “There are… a few things you don’t know.” 

“And…?” 

She sighs. “I told Angus I could keep a secret. I’m trying to decide if I should break that promise.” 

He understands. He can’t expect her to do that. “While you decide, why don’t I tell you why I called Kravitz last night.” 

She nods. 

“Angus and I have been talking over our stones of farspeech about once a week for a little over a month. Before that started, I noticed he was acting… strangely…” Magnus shakes his head and lets out a sad chuckle. “I’m  _ still  _ trying to dance around it. Look– when Julia died, I wasn’t okay for a  _ very  _ long time. I saw some of myself in the way he was acting, and it worried me. A  _ lot. _ ” 

Lucretia’s expression changes from concentration to one of consternation. 

Magnus continues. “Last night was… unusual. Usually when we talk, he sounds happy, but I know he’s not. I’ve never pushed him on it, though. I wanted him to open up on his own, and at least he was talking, right? Last night was odd because he didn’t bother pretending… he was crying. It was late, too. He told me he didn’t go to school yesterday.” 

Lucretia raises her brows and her mouth drops a little. 

“I know!” Magnus exclaims. “That’s not the most worrisome part, though. He asked me–” he stops himself. He takes a moment to breathe and continues in a calmer tone. “He asked me if I’ve ever wished I could fall asleep and not wake up.”

She puts one hand on her chest and fretfully places the other on Magnus’s. 

“It scared the shit out of me, Lu!” He rubs his face with his free hand. “I mean… I think I handled it okay, but just to be safe, I called Kravitz. I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t know what to do.” 

They meet eyes, and Lucretia lets go of his arm. 

“I’ve decided; I’m going to tell you what I know.” 

“Are you sure?” 

She nods confidently. “Yes. It would be unwise of me to risk his safety.” She takes a deep breath. She’s been carrying this one for almost four years. “You know how Angus came to be a part of the Bureau, yes?” 

“Uh… yeah. He was investigating some missing persons cases. He started causing some trouble for us, so you recruited him.” 

She bobs her head slowly. “That is more or less what happened. There are some details we excluded. Normally we would never hire a  _ child  _ because work here at the time was so dangerous, but Angus was… alone.” 

Magnus looks a little confused. “When we met him he was alone, but he said he was on his way to see his grandfather.” 

She purses her lips and shakes her head. “No. His grandfather was already dead when you met him on the Rockport. He didn’t want to admit to me that he’d been scraping by on his own when I approached him because… he didn’t want to be sent back to his parents.” 

Magnus takes a second to let that sink in. “Last night he told me he hasn’t seen his parents for a long time. He didn’t say much else.” 

Lucretia looks shocked. “I’m surprised you got even that much out of him. When I found him, he panicked. He told me… a lot.” Her voice becomes bitter and emotional. “They weren’t good people, Magnus. There was no way in hell I was going to let this child live on his own or go back to  _ them _ .” She closes her eyes and puts her hand back on her chest. She takes a shaky breath. “I couldn't—” her voice breaks. Softly, she continues, “I couldn’t leave him.”

Magnus reaches for her hand again. “I understand. I would have done the same thing.” He can’t help but laugh a bit. “I always wondered what in the hell possessed you to think it was a good idea to let a ten-year-old join the Bureau.”

She laughs a little. “I know. I know it looked bad, but I promised him I’d keep it a secret. Regardless, he’s a marvelous addition to the team, I think.” 

“Are you kidding? He was smarter than me at  _ ten _ . With the magic, he’s gotta be worth three of me by now.” 

They share another bittersweet laugh, but it tapers off and the two get lost in thought. 

“So what do we do now?” Magnus wonders aloud. 

Lucretia gently shakes her head. She opens her mouth to speak, but she’s distracted by the blue flashes coming from both of the stones tied around their necks. 

Kravitz’s melodious voice rings out. “Lucretia! Magnus! Angus has left the plane.” 

Magnus and Lucretia have an entire conversation with their eyes in less than a second. They stand in unison… and  _ run. _

It’s the weekend, so not many people are working and the halls are relatively empty. Magnus and Lucretia draw the attention of a few people doing extra training, but they don’t have time to explain themselves. They’re making a beeline for Angus’s room, which is fortunately close. They reach the room in less than thirty seconds, ready to burst in… but the door is wide open. The two rush in, not taking any time to wonder why. Lucretia is first to enter, and Magnus follows immediately after. 

The two glance over the tidy room and find a very confused and startled Taako sitting on Angus’s desk. He’s the only one there.  

Lucretia eyes over the room. “Where…” 

Taako stands and steps closer to them, his face slack with worry. “What’s going on? Is everything okay?” 

“Where’s Angus?” Magnus asks, but Taako doesn’t get the chance to answer. Behind him, Angus suddenly appears a few feet away about a foot off the ground. He drops and stumbles with his arms out to keep his balance. 

Taako swivels around with a proud smile and claps. “Great job, Pumpkin!” He circles around him, looking him over. “You’ve still got all your limbs… and you’re not fused to anything…” He counts Angus’s fingers. “–9, and 10! Not bad for a first try!” 

“Oh,” Lucretia exhales with relief. She realizes what must have happened and practically tackles Angus in a hug. 

He is  _ incredibly _ confused. He taps her back. “Ma’am? I can’t breathe.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, dear.” She releases him from the embrace, but keeps her hands on his shoulders. He looks completely fine. 

While Lu is preoccupied with Angus, Magnus pulls Taako out of the room. 

“What just happened?”

“Angus wanted to try casting Blink, so he asked me to spot for him in case he messed it up.” He gives Magnus a once over and asks, “What is going on? You and Lu burst in like two bats out of hell.” 

Magnus thinks for a second. “Blink… that’s the one where you teleport to the ethereal plane, isn’t it.” He says it more like a statement than a question. 

“Yes? And?” 

“Look… I can’t explain all of it right now. We asked Kravitz to keep an eye out for Angus on the ethereal plane. Ask him about it, and tell him I told you to.” Magnus nods toward the room. “Can you give us a minute with him?” 

Taako stares curiously for a moment, still confused. “Yeah, I guess.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I guess I’ll go… talk to Krav.” He makes some finger guns as he saunters away. 

Magnus ducks back in. Lucretia is fawning over a still very perplexed Angus McDonald. 

He appears to be getting a little overwhelmed and takes a step back. He puts his hands out in a ‘stop’ gesture and says, “Excuse me, Ma’am, but… what’s going on?”

As he puts his hands out, Lucretia notices the edge of a wrapped bandage poking out from under his right cuff. 

“Oh, sweetheart. What happened?” She reaches for his hand. 

“No!” He jerks back so quickly that he trips over his own feet a bit. Fear flashes through his eyes as he adjusts his glasses. “Um… that’s okay.” Wide-eyed, he half smiles and stuffs his hands into his back pockets. 

Lucretia turns her head a bit to the left and draws her brows together. Magnus crosses his arms. Neither of them are going to let that blow over. Angus seems to realize this and drops the fake smile. He looks downward and sighs. 

Lucretia holds out her hand. Softly, she requests, “Angus. Please give me your hand.” 

Still staring at the ground, he rigidly extends his arm. 

She takes his hand, and a faint white glow emanates from hers. It slowly starts to engulf Angus’s forearm. At first, Lucretia only looks concerned, but the farther it climbs, the more distraught her expression becomes. After a few seconds, it reaches his elbow and stops. The glow lingers a moment longer before dimming. 

Magnus, completely oblivious to what’s happening, worriedly stands to the side of them. 

Angus slowly pulls his arm back and rubs it gently with his other hand. Still looking fixedly at the floor, he quietly says, “I’d like to be alone, please.” 

“Honey, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Lucretia tries to argue. 

He takes a couple mechanical steps and sits down on the edge of his bed. Monotonously, he replies, “I know you’re just going to check again later. I’ll be fine.” 

Magnus touches her arm. “Come on. Let’s leave him alone.” 

“No, Magnus, you don’t understand, he—” 

“Lucretia.” He looks her in the eyes. “He wants to be alone.” 

She looks to Angus one last time. Very reluctantly, she lets Magnus usher her out. Before he closes the door, he leans in to say one last thing. 

“Angus?” 

Angus has fallen back horizontally across his bed from where he was sitting, and is staring intently at the ceiling. 

It kills Magnus to leave him like this, but he knows he has to. “Call me whenever you’re ready.” 

As the door clicks shut, Angus closes his eyes.  


	4. Opening Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angus opens up, and Magnus is happy to listen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello sweet readers. This chapter doesn't contain graphic depictions of self-harm, but it does describe the feelings about it pretty descriptively and I know that has the potential to be pretty triggering. Stay safe!

Magnus and Lucretia return to her office. She looks about ready to fall apart. Magnus is afraid to say anything for fear of breaking her, but his curiosity gets the better of him. 

“So... what just happened?” 

Staring somewhere far away, she absentmindedly shakes her head. “It’s been four years… I thought we were in the clear.” She’s mostly talking to herself. “I should have kept a closer eye on him.”

“Why? What happened in there?” 

Her eyes focus, and she looks at Magnus for the first time in a few minutes. “When you cast a spell like that, you can… sense the wounds you’re healing.” 

“Okay… what did you heal?” The cogs in Magnus’s head are turning slowly, but turning nonetheless. 

“Eleven…” Lucretia’s eyes get distant, and she shakes her head again, “... each about two inches long, one millimeter wide– on the back of his forearm in various stages of healing.” 

“Why…” Magnus stops as that final gear clicks into place. A look of realization slowly works its way into his expression. “... no.” He rubs his eyes and rests his head in his hands. “ _ That’s  _ why he never wanted anyone to heal him.” 

She nods again. “I suppose so…” 

Lucretia leans against the edge of her desk with one arm wrapped around her stomach and her other hand resting over her mouth. Magnus is sitting in the same chair he was in before, bouncing his leg. Neither of them really know what to do. 

Lucretia closes her eyes, and a tear streams down her cheek. 

Magnus stands and puts a hand on her shoulder. “Hey. Lu, look at me.” 

Remaining in the same position, she shifts her eyes to meet his. 

“This is not your fault.” 

She nods. “I know.” 

He pulls her into a gentle hug. Magnus knows she’s normally not one for physical contact, so he pulls away after only a moment. As he does, Lucretia can’t say it didn’t feel good. She clears her throat and does her best to regain her composure. 

“Thank you, Magnus.” 

He nods. “I told him to call me when he was ready, and I trust that he will.” 

“I do too. You should probably wait somewhere private.” She looks at the scattered papers behind her and takes a deep breath. “Besides, I have some work I still need to finish today… and I should probably tell Kravitz he still needs to keep an eye out on the ethereal plane.” 

Magnus nods. “Alright. I’ll come back tomorrow.” On his way out, he pauses in the door frame and turns around. 

“Lu?” 

She looks up from the paper in her hand. 

“He’ll be okay; he’s a fighter.” 

With a surprising amount of confidence and a worried smile, she whispers, “I know.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Magnus retreats to his room. He tries to find ways to occupy himself while he waits for Angus to call, but he can’t do much other than pace and fidget as the sun finishes setting. He’s gotten dangerously close to calling Angus several times and had to remind himself that he can’t– Angus has to call him on his own. Lucretia called once to see if he’d reached out yet, and he had to spend a few minutes convincing her not to look for him. 

He’s in the middle of talking himself out of calling Angus for the fourth time when the stone lights up. The realization sends a jolt through his body, but he reminds himself to stay calm. He waits a moment before picking up the stone so Angus doesn’t know how eagerly he’s been waiting. He holds his hand around it to muffle the sound of the deep breath he takes, and answers. 

“Hey, buddy.” 

“... hey,” Angus timidly replies. 

For a moment, the only sound he can hear is Angus’s soft breath. 

“Are you okay?” 

He stays quiet for several seconds before responding. “... no.” 

Magnus blinks. That’s new. “Okay. That’s okay.” He decides to ask a different question. “Are you safe?” 

Angus nods and then realizes Magnus can’t see that. “Uh– yeah.” 

“Okay.” Magnus takes an easy breath for the first time in hours. “Look… I’m not going to interrogate you. You can tell me the parts you want and leave the rest out. Hell, you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. All I want is for you to know that Lu and I… we just want you to be safe and happy and healthy, okay? I’m not mad– and neither is she, for that matter… we’re just worried because we love you.” 

There’s no response, and Magnus begins to worry he’d said something wrong. Then, he realizes he’s started to cry softly on the other end. 

Angus was trying to stay quiet but gives up. He lets out a breathy sob, somewhere between laughing and crying. He’s so relieved. He didn’t realize how bottled up everything was until he heard those words. He starts to weep, and between heaving breaths, he manages to force out, “Thank you _. _ ” 

Magnus hushes him. “It’s okay, sweetie. It’s okay. There’s nothing to thank me for.” 

For a few minutes, Angus honestly, genuinely sobs for the first time in a very long time all while Magnus whispers gentle reassurances. 

Eventually, the tears ebb, and Angus’s breathing steadies. 

Magnus waits for him to fully catch his breath before speaking. “Do you feel better?” 

Angus lets out a genuine laugh through the last few tears. “Yeah.” 

Magnus laughs back. “Good. I bet that felt good.” 

He takes a deep breath and dries his face. “Yeah,” he sighs. 

“Now that you’ve got  _ that  _ off your chest, is there anything else you wanna say?” 

Angus has think about this for awhile, but Magnus is more than patient enough to give him all the time he needs. 

“I don’t know where to start.” 

“Alright. Why don’t I ask you a question to get you started. If you don’t want to answer it, just say so.” 

Angus considers it. “Okay.” 

Magnus decides to pick an easy one. “Why don’t you let anyone heal you?” 

Angus closes his eyes. Crying made him feel better, but that wasn’t going to make this conversation any easier. 

“Not that one?” 

“No, I can answer it. I just realized… this isn’t going to be easy. Did Madame Director tell you what happened?” 

“Yeah. She did.” 

“Then I think you already know half of my answer. I didn’t… want anyone to find out about the… yeah… and the other part I’ve already told you. I really don’t like it when people spend spell slots on me. It feels like a waste because… it’s just me. That spell could go somewhere more useful.” 

With that, Angus takes a deep breath and begins to ramble about… well, everything. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first time he hurt himself was that day he was late to dinner. He hadn’t been getting a lot of sleep, and he was getting overwhelmed with the Bureau, and with studying for school, and extracurriculars, and magic, and tutoring, and he just couldn’t  _ take  _ it anymore. He was rummaging through a box of his old things and wound up stumbling upon a missing knife from his grandfather’s set— small, silver, beautifully ornate. He nicked his finger and just… froze. At the time, he knew it wasn’t a good idea. In fact, he knew it was a very, very  _ bad  _ idea, but for some reason it was like he couldn’t control his own hands and… it happened so fast. 

He tried to convince himself it wasn’t a big deal. He only did one and he swore he’d never do it ever again, and by the time he realized he’d been sitting on his floor for too long, he was already late. So, he tugged down his sleeve, grabbed his bag and books, and pretended his tutoring session ran late. The thing is… he hadn’t bothered to bandage his arm, and he was disoriented. He realized he’d made a mistake in coming and excused himself. By the time he got to the bathroom, the adrenaline had worn off, and he started to feel the sting in his arm. He locked himself in the stall to take care of it, but… Magnus followed him. He cast the nosebleed illusion to throw him off… and it worked. He cleaned up, pulled himself together as best he could, and rejoined everyone. He was keenly aware of Magnus’s eyes on him when he thought he wasn’t looking. 

Then his birthday came. He’s not sure what it was about that day that got to him, but… the idea of having that much attention, even from only four people, was distressing. He said he didn’t want any gifts and hid in his room after school. He didn’t want to have to lie to everyone’s faces anymore. He felt so alone even though the only thing separating him from everyone was a door  _ he’d locked _ . He thought he was losing his mind, and then… Magnus stopped by and gave him the stone. It felt like a buoy in a whirlpool he’d thrown himself into. It was a tether to the world which he was slowly drifting away from. 

Granted, it wasn’t a solution to all of his problems. He was still overwhelmed, and tired, and stressed. It wasn’t long before he broke that promise to himself— he did it again. Afterward, he was so mad at himself… and scared. He always prided himself in his self-discipline— if he wanted to do something, he could do it. That’s how he’d been able to handle all of these responsibilities, and handle them well, at that. He had perfect control of himself until he  _ didn’t _ . The self-harm was something he tried so hard to stop, but he couldn’t. He’d make it a little over a week before he’d lose control, even if only for a moment. It terrified him to admit it, but… he liked that. That’s the part that scared him the most. The second time he did it, he decided to call Magnus. He was grounding and didn’t press for answers, even when both of them knew Angus was lying. It quickly became a habit for him to call after a relapse under the pretense that he just wanted to chat. 

The call from last night was no different. It was the end of a really rough day. He slept poorly and woke up in a cold sweat. Disoriented, he tried to go to school, but the instant he put his hand on the doorknob, he was hit with a wave of panic like a punch in the chest. He dropped all of his things and had to lean on the wall for support and remind himself how to breathe. He still doesn’t know what caused it, and he knew he wasn’t going to be able to fake smile his way through that if it happened in public, so… he stayed in his room. Today, he learned what a panic attack was from research; yesterday, he learned what a panic attack was from experience. After detailing the events of the last month and a half, he goes back even farther. He talks about how he got the ticket to the Rockport, how he made money after his grandfather passed away… he even talks about his parents. 

After a long while, Angus finally finishes his stream-of-consciousness rambling and they sit in silence. Angus is anxiously anticipating Magnus’s response, and Magnus is trying to form one. It was… a lot to take in. He can’t begin to imagine how hard it was to keep all of this in for so long, and it must have been even harder to let it out. He thought this conversation would end in stress, or worry, or grief, but the only thing he feels right now is… love. 

“Angus?” 

With bated breath, he replies, “… yes, sir?” 

“I’m so proud of you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is fluff central don't you even worry about it. I tagged this with happy ending; I'm gonna deliver.


	5. Deja Vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't think this one needs a summary :)

Magnus is experiencing a bit of déjà vu. He sits down across from Merle and Taako in the lounge for dinner, but the space next to him is empty– Angus is late.

 _Huh…_ Magnus looks to the door. “Hey, Taako, where’s Angus?”

As his name leaves Magnus’s mouth, the boy enters the room with some pep in his step and a smile on his face.

“Hello, sirs!”

“Speak of the devil.” Taako winks at Angus as he slides into his seat.

“Look who’s late…” Merle grumbles.

Angus smirks. “It’s nice to see you too, sir.”

Taako playfully punches Merle in the shoulder, who is attempting to mask his amused smile with a sour face.

“I just got back from therapy. That’s why I’m late.”

Magnus’s face lights up. “Oh, that’s right! How’d it go?”

Angus nods confidently. “Pretty well. That was only my second session with her, but she’s been very helpful.”

“Miss Patty or Señora Emala?” Taako asks.

Angus looks a little puzzled. “Señora Emala… How do you know them?”

Taako shrugs. “Lup told me I should go to a few sessions at the same place a while back. I see one of their adult therapists, though. Emala’s a sweetheart.”

“And… we’re just hearing about this now…?” Merle wonders.

Taako shrugs defensively. “I had some things to work out, and one of the things was not talking about my problems. So, yeah, you’re just hearing about it now.”

Angus looks down at the table and nods. “Me too.”

While Angus isn’t looking, Taako gets ready to flick an olive at him. Just as he does, in less than a second, Angus disappears, the olive passes through where he just was, and he reappears wearing Taako’s hat.

Taako’s mouth drops as he touches the top of his head. “When did you learn _that_? That’s a fifth level spell!”

Angus giggles and proudly crosses his arms. “I’ve had a lot more free time since I stopped overworking.”

Taako lets out a halfhearted, “Ha.” The surprised look on his face turns into a frown as his expression slowly shifts into something… sinister. Angus’s expression becomes serious as well. Taako leans forward, his pupils bleeding into the rest of his eyes until they’re completely black.

In a voice that isn’t his, he growls, “We duel at dawn.”

Angus stands and braces both hands against the table. His clothes start to ripple like they aren’t confined by gravity. One of the lenses in his glasses cracks. He leans in until their noses are almost touching.

“Bring it on, old man,” he spits.  

Wide-eyed, Merle and Magnus are frozen in place. Their eyes flick from one wizard to the other.

Angus and Taako squint at each other for a few more seconds. Angus is the first to break. His lip quivers and he snorts. Taako lurches forward– causing Merle and Magnus to flinch– and he pecks Angus’s forehead with a little kiss. They both break into full blown laughter, dispel the illusions they’d cast, and sit down.

Magnus and Merle laugh nervously with relief.

“Oh!” Merle exhales. “Ha. I was… pretty confused.”

“Yeah… me too,” Magnus adds uneasily.

Taako reaches over and snatches his hat back. “Your illusion magic is getting better,” he compliments.

“Thank you.” Angus smiles smugly. “What did you cast to change your eyes like that?”

“Oh, that? That was just Thaumaturgy. I used it for the voice, too.”

Angus’s mouth drops. “You did both of those with a cantrip? I wasted a slot for my illusion!”

“What can I say?” Taako bows with a flamboyant hand gesture as best he can while seated.

The two of them continue to talk about magic, Merle and Magnus barely getting a word in, until Taako’s stone of farspeech lights up. He looks delighted. “Krav told me he’d call when he was here! I gotta go!” He stuffs a roll into his mouth as he collects his things. Muffled by the bread, Taako points to Angus and says, “Keep practicing!” He points to the other two and shouts, “Later, losers!” then disappears in cloud of silvery mist.

Angus turns to Magnus and shakes his head. “Show off.”

Merle laughs at that. “Have you met him?”

Magnus looks exasperated.

A moment later, Angus tilts his head like he’s remembering something. “It’s Friday, aren’t Mavis and Mookie supposed to be visiting?”

As if on cue, Merle’s stone of farspeech flashes. He holds his hand over it and very calmly asks, “What time is it?”

Angus checks his watch. “Half past eight.”

Merle nods. “Cool. Cool cool cool. I gotta go… _right_ now.”

Magnus does his best to stifle a chuckle. “Yeah, I bet you do. I hope Mavis doesn’t kill you.”

Merle laughs in a way that makes Magnus wonder if that’s something he should actually be worried about.

On his way out, Merle shouts, “Wish me luck!”

Under his breath, Angus says, “You’re gonna need it…”

Out of sight, Merle yells, “I heard that!”

Angus and Magnus wait until they can’t hear his footsteps anymore, and then they share another laugh.

“She’s gonna kill him,” Magnus states matter-of-factly.

Angus giggles again.

Magnus sighs and looks him over. This is the first time he’s seen Angus in short sleeves in a long time.

“You know… it’s just us now. It’s gotta be tiring to keep that glamour up.”

Angus reflexively touches his exposed forearm, and his expression changes– he’s nervous.

“... okay.”

The even complexion fades, and Magnus can see the eleven dark, identical, and evenly spaced lines on his right arm. It’s still a little hard to stomach, but for Angus’s sake he’ll force himself to get used to it. It needs to be normal. He reaches out and rubs his back.

“It’ll get easier. I promise.”

Angus gives him a small smile.

“Are you still on that schedule you and Lucretia worked out?”

He nods. “It’s weird to have so much free time.”

“I bet it is. You’ve had _no_ free time for… mmm–” he wobbles his hand “– fourteen years, give or take.”

Angus laughs as he absentmindedly rubs his arm. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

“She still call you every night?”

“No, now it’s just most nights.”

“If she gets too overbearing, just let me know and I’ll talk to her.”

“No, it’s alright. The least I can do after scaring her half to death is talk to her for ten minutes a night. Besides, it’s thanks to her that I even have those ten extra minutes.”

Magnus smiles goofily and tousles Angus’s hair. “So, you wanna tell me about school?”

Angus grins and nods excitedly. “Lucas just assigned us a new project! I’m really excited about it.”

Magnus nods for him to continue, so Angus recounts the events of the day.

He listens intently. He loves to watch him talk about something he’s passionate about. If he gets excited enough, he waves his hands around. Every now and then, Magnus can squeeze in a few words, but he’s more than happy to spend most of the evening listening.

A long while later, Angus’s watch beeps. “Oh my! I didn’t realize how long I’d been talking.”

“It’s okay; I like listening to you.” He smiles reassuringly.

Angus smiles back. “Thank you, sir.”

“You gotta get some sleep.”

“Yeah…” he reluctantly agrees.

What Angus says next surprises Magnus. He’s certain Angus doesn’t even realize he said it, just a slip of the tongue, but… mistakes like these don’t stem from nothing.

After Julia passed, Magnus mourned for everything he’d lost. He mourned for the love of his life. He mourned for the home he’d never build with her. He mourned for the family he’d never have with her. He mourned for those four words he thought he’d never hear.

“I love you, Dad.”

Magnus feels his heart stop. Stunned into silence, he has to snap himself back onto this plane. “I– I love you too.”

Angus slips his bag onto his shoulder, and with a tired smile, he says, “Goodnight, sir.”

Still dazed from the emotional whiplash inflicted upon him by those four words, Magnus has a hard time speaking. “Eh– yeah. I’ll… see you tomorrow.”

He watches Angus trot out of the lounge and gets lost in thought. He can’t help but smile. It widens a bit, then it shifts into a grin, and now he can’t help but beam. No matter how many happy endings he’s a part of, he always thinks it’s the last one. Then something like this comes along, and he’s taken by surprise all over again. He didn’t even think he’d live this long…

He learned a long time ago that going out in a blaze of glory isn’t what he wanted anymore, but he hadn’t replaced it with anything. Seeing Angus so happy made him realize that… what he wants is to be around for moments like these. This might be the end of tonight, but it’s far from the end of the story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! This is the most proud of a fic I've ever been? I know the kudos/hits ratio isn't the best I've ever gotten, but I really don't... care. I recently deleted everything on here and changed my username/icon because I wanted to start fresh. This is the first fic since I wiped that slate clean, and this is the most confident and happy with an end product I've ever been. That's what I've always wanted my fics to be- for me :) Anyway, sorry for rambling. I really appreciate you taking the time to read this! <333 Have a lovely day.  
> Edit: WHOA I always shoot for 10% kudos/hits ratio as like a solidly good fic (which it was below for a while) but this is higher than that now! Thank you all so much!  
> 


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